we're chasing vodka with high fives
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Randomize