The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
