I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize