she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
