bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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