don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
wanna go halves on a baby?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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