mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
