Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
