Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
