So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
