she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
