Your dad touched me again.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
