Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
