so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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