The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
