puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
