Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
