My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
