i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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