Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
