if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
