Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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