Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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