Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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