So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize