yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
