my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
