question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
