FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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