i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
