Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
