Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Dear god my vagina.
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