if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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