TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
