Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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