Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
