Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
