I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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