But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
