This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
