She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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