I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
