I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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