so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
