she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I need to align my fucking chakras
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
