I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize