ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
