who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
