i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
