Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
