i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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