Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize