Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
