I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
