i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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