I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize