i already hear my dad disowning me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
