You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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