So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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