someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
