Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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