I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
