Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
