I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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