Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
