if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize