When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
