fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
