Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Couch. On fire.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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