I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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