ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We need a shit load of segways right now
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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