I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
