One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
