and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
