Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
