Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
