We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
