that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
