You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
