Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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