I must be too annoying 4 u.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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