What did we do last night that was yellow?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
