Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
