five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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