I'm drive I can fine osifer
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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