You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
