I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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