I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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