Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
