just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize