Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
