i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize