so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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