DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
