how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize