Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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