My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize