just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
