she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
