dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
