I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize