You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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