im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
