ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
