I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
