"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize