I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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